Before Time Fucker: Pep-Tide!

By Joe Infurnari

W elcome back to another installment of Before Time F*cker where I air out more creative dirty laundry in the form of ill-advised hypothetical book proposals. Pep-tide! began like most of these…with it’s title. I don’t know why exactly but the combination of ‘Pep’ connoting high school sports rallies and ‘tide’ suggesting a maritime location seemed like a good enough place to start. What exactly it has to do with digestive enzymes or amino acids, is beyond me. I never claimed that these would make total sense.

As I created more of these hypothetical graphic novels, they took on a satirical tone parodying the kinds of books I was seeing on shelves. Pep-tide! plays on the high school drama motif similar to 50’s teen angst films like “Rebel Without a Cause” and sets it on a secluded island off of Cape Cod. I imagined a love triangle between the dark horse new kid in school from the mainland, a vapid co-ed whose plans beyond graduation could lead her off the island and her lunkhead jock islander boyfriend who will probably work at the shipyards after school ends. The whole thing explodes in the end as the new kid faces off against the all-star in a deadline game of water-blading. That’s where two opposing power boats fly at each other with water skiers in tow; each armed with a bladed weapon in a deadly maritime rendition of jousting or ‘chicken’.

Who wins in the end?

I have no idea.

Stay tooned for next week’s installment of Before Time F*cker where I explore an english language translation of a hypothetical Japanese manga called, Wonder-toe!

In case you missed last week’s episode, you can find Before Time F*cker: Wreck’d ‘Em! here: